You Devious Septum, You

My septum has mutinied. And not a quick, keelhaul-the-captain, pirate-type mutiny; it’s been more of a slow, forget-limited-government-let’s-elevate-George-W-Bush-and-John-McCain-to-leadership-positions, Republican-Party-type mutiny.

A normal, functional septum looks like this:


Evidently, mine looks something like this:


So, while the doctor was examining my CAT scans and explaining just how much of my face he is going to scrape away with a tiny Dremel, I experienced a vasovagal episode and nearly fell out of his fancy exam chair.

Doc Dremel calmly told me what was happening, leaned my chair back, and allowed me to marinate for a bit. Here's the awesome part: After probably three minutes (me still sweating through my button-down and watching dancing white spots) the doctor asks, “Are you feeling well enough to sign the consent forms?” Dry as a bone.

True story.