March 30, 2010

No Word Yet on Film Adaptations of "McDonald's" or "Uno"

Fingers... cramping. Eye... twitching. Teeth... grinding.

Must... Contain... Fury...

Apologies in advance for my lack of commentary on the following link. There simply isn't much to be said.

Obviously Hollywood has reached the point where the only question that matters in getting a movie made is: "Have people heard of this thing?" No layered characterization, no subtle symbolism, no triumphant story arc can trump the simple reality that people no longer want to go to the movies unless they know beforehand exactly what their $12 is buying.

So, rather than marvelous films (but potential risks) like The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, Memento, or Moulin Rouge, the future of American Cinema instead looks like this:

The Marmaduke Movie

It's the bed we've made, America.  Now go lay down!

4 comments:

  1. Let me start by saying of course this is where Hollywood is going. After the smash hit Garfield and its follow up success Garfield, the Tail of Two Kitties, along with a series of commercials with creepy dancing/talking animals this was a no brainer. But let’s not forget the beginning of the end for not only good cinema but also comedic acting, Dr. Dolittle and Dr. Dolittle 2. Thanks to Eddie Murphy’s need to make some quick money for alimony payments, cinema is dead. Damn you Eddie Murphy, damn you strait to hell.

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  2. Classic Marmaduke. It appears that Marmaduke is not feeling well, a result of his gorging during the holidays. We can infer that his owner warned him about eating too much, but like most of us, he didn't listen. When will he ever learn??

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  3. It's underscoring the foolish things we, as humans, do, by illustrating that they we would consider it foolish even when it is a dog taking the action. But then it's funny because we realize we're anthropomorphizing the dog, and that we don't really consider it foolish. Then it becomes a celebration of our superior intellect among the creatures of earth; said superiority being on display even when we make our worst decisions.

    So many levels. Thank you Marmaduke. Thank you.

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  4. Not to come to the actual defense of Marmaduke -- it is indefensible -- but the "humor" of the strip is in the mindless, destructive, instinctive actions of an over-sized animal.

    But in the movie, Marmaduke has inner monologue! So he's just a really stupid four-legged John Candy character from the early 80s.

    And that is the new Hollywood formula: 1) Write script. Any script. 2) Find and attach licensed concept. 3) Profit!

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