The Guardian Force has protected Empire City from dangerous criminals for nearly seven decades. We are the shining legacy of Captain Freedom, the tireless bane of Red Leader, and the stalwart champions of liberty.
But in my absence, the Guardian Force has been paralyzed by the breakup of Jon and Kate.
BrainChild foiled my V-Chip settings soon after I left for the hospital. In addition to TLC -- home of Jon & Kate Plus 8 -- I strictly enforce a no-exceptions block on HGTV, E!, SpikeTV, VH1, and every last cursed incarnation of MTV inside the super-secret Guardian Fortress; now Ultragirl, Viking Warrior, and Frogman are loading up the TiVo with The Hills, Rock of Love II, and My House is Worth What? before I can get back.
Unsurprisingly, I was notified of the mutiny by The Human Mole.
Still to be explored is Jon Gosselin's potential -- or potential threat -- as as a superhero.
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