Goofus and Gallant, Special Illinois Edition

Gallant says, even though he is a police officer, he should be treated like everyone else.

Goofus tries to prove it by getting drunk, firing a gun outside a bowling alley, and waiting to see if he gets convicted.

He did not.

Bonus seek-and-find for the kids: Try and spot the minor drug possession arrest!

Your Kung Fu is No Match for My Scotty Karate

Drawn almost exclusively by its name, I recently tried a four-pack of Dark Horse Scotty Karate Scotch Ale. Expectations were high, especially considering the brew had to be imported by hand from the dreary plains of central Indiana (a wonderful birthday gift from my wonderful baby sister).

The wee heavy did not disappoint, and I was inspired to sing its praises on the Internets. At the same time, I did not want to cause Ted Stevens's email to be delayed, so first I looked to see if there was already a good review posted elsewhere.

There was:

...When it comes to flavor, Scotty Karate delivers in a major way. *This* is what I expected this big American-brewed Scotch ale to taste like. With a bigger body, we could be looking at greatness. Although there isn't an abundance of barrel-aged character, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Dark Horse put SKSA in bourbon barrels for at least a brief time.

Flavors include chocolate, golden toffee, butterscotch, sugared pecans, medium-dark fruit, and a tobacco, tea, and hop leaf bitterness that concludes each mouthful with a gradually tightening, focused flourish. It may be nothing more than an overactive imagination, but a phenolic peaty tanginess and a puff of smoke are present as well.

...I don't drink beer because of the way it looks or smells. I drink beer because of the way it tastes. Scotty Karate Scotch Ale is the real deal and should be sought out by anyone who loves a good wee heavy...

My own review would have relied heavily on phrases like "hells yeah!" and "way more beer-y", so muchas gracias to BuckeyeNation. Now venture forth, ScotticusFinch minions, and consume.

"I build you this awesome box keg, and all you put in it is light beer?"

MillerCoors LLC, the beer-makers of (surprise!) Miller and Coors, are test-marketing a new $20, 1.5-gallon “Home Draft” box, built to fit in your fridge and keep beer fresh for about 30 days. Sounds fun, right? Well, don’t reach for that lampshade just yet, Bluto:

The price per ounce is roughly 15% higher than for an 18-pack of the same beer, MillerCoors said.

Come again? Buy in bulk; pay more? The schlock-hop jockeys explain the idea like this:

The product, which is recyclable, is aimed at the 30% of beer drinkers who say they prefer draft beer to the bottled or canned variety, said Andy England, chief marketing officer at MillerCoors. "We're really trying to meet that occasion when you just got back from work and want to reward yourself."

Ah. So this is for the connoisseurs whose delicate palates differentiate bottled-versus-draft, but who still swig swill. Seriously, “rewarding” yourself with a tall Miller Lite is akin to taking a “vacation” to your great aunt’s house. Full article here.

For the actual Carribean getaway of beers, go here. Or, to settle for the weekend-with-friends-in-Chicago of beers, there’s always good old Sam.

Headline explained (sort of) here.